Remembering Ol' What's His Name
by Jacey Reynolds

Admit it, Moms. You've all done it. You'll do it again. You may even be doing it right now. What is 'it' to which I'm referring? Ignoring your husband! You remember him - that guy who schleps off to work every day, checks the fluids in your car, and has a key to your house?

I confess, I too am guilty of this crime. Just last night my husband asked me to do him a small favor. I said, "Sure, honey, I'll get right on that," in a rather sarcastic tone, as though he had some nerve to expect a favor from me of all people! Well, I made sure he knew just where he fell on my list of priorities. You guessed it - right at the bottom - after reading to the kids, checking my email, and wiping down the kitchen counters. Sure, I eventually got to him (the next morning), and that's what's important, right? Not quite.

Moms, I propose that you resume paying some attention to that person who was once, however briefly, the focal point of your existence. There's a quote I love that goes something like, "The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other." Sometimes we get so busy being a family that we forget to be a couple. Kids need to see that mom and dad love and need each other. This gives them a sense of security and stability.

I will share with you a little list that I compiled and hung on my refrigerator. It suggests small yet powerful ways that we can say "I love you" every day without saying "I love you."

  1. Put your arm around, hug, kiss him for no reason.
  2. Hold his hand a lot when you go places together: in the car, at church, any public place.
  3. Show extra compassion when he is sick. Offer to make him tea, or run a bath.
  4. Write him a note or buy him a card and leave it in his shirt pocket or in his car.
  5. Plan a date (make dinner reservations, hire the babysitter, etc)
  6. Massage his back, neck, or feet for 20 minutes.
  7. Without saying anything, do a household chore that is normally his responsibility, i.e., taking out the trash
  8. The next time you start to spend $5 on yourself, spend it on him instead.
  9. Make it a point to say something kind about him to someone else (he won't know about this, but it will make you feel good and will have an effect on the way you look at him. Trust me, this works!)
  10. Thank him for the every day things: being a good provider, a good father, taking out the trash
  11. Surprise him with his favorite meal for no reason.
  12. Talk to him about current events that you know interest him, even if they don't interest you!
  13. If you pray together: be sure to vocally be thankful for him in your prayers. It will mean a lot for him to hear you thanking God for him. If you don't pray together: start! It will work wonders in your relationship!
  14. He works hard to provide for you and his children. Spend that money wisely. Excessive debt and shortage of money puts unnecessary strain on a marriage and will stress him out, making him grouchy!
  15. When you run errands, be sure to ask him if there's anything he needs or wants while you're out.
  16. Be sociable and friendly with his friends, work associates, and especially his family, no matter how you REALLY feel about them.
  17. Be polite: say "Please," "Thank You," and "You're Welcome." We often have a tendency to be more gracious to strangers and mere acquaintances than to our own spouses.

This list may not work miracles, but doing just one of the items suggested each day can help you get back some of the "old feelings" that you used to have for the man in your life. Give it a week - I bet you'll see a difference!

Here's to happy couples and happy families!

Jacey Reynolds is a stay-at-home mother of 2 and author of "Your Happy Baby," a booklet which teaches a simple method for getting your baby on a schedule and sleeping through the night. To subscribe to a FREE Weekly Newsletter with great tips for parents and families, go to email: 

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